Uber Tales (31)

Uber Super Sias

The girl giggled in my passenger seat. She scrolled through this here fine blog that I’ve been neglecting for so long and she giggled. I realised I have to write again. I was caught in a vicious circle of being depressed because I wasn’t writing and not writing because I was depressed. Enough of that bullshit, I’ll introduce Sias to you as a new beginning.

My new car ‘Sias’ is my first new car. Sias is a mostly Afrikaans name for boys. Not even a popular one and also not an abbreviation of something else, however, what are you going to name your brand new Suzuki Ciaz, but Sias? I call it Super Sias. It practically named itself.

I really like Super Sias. It’s nippy and nifty and brand new. What’s not to like? I never liked Sias’ predecessor, the Nameless Nissan. I now refer to it as the ‘Nameless Nissan’ (NN) because I never bothered to give it a name. My disregard for the car was born out of my dislike for its lines. It was ugly to begin with and even uglier when I traded it in.

It gained many ugly new contours to its already ugly exterior. I called those ‘kvetches’. In the end the thing was so kvetched on the one side that I was forced drive past my pickup points and turn around to present the ‘good’ side to my passengers. But enough about the NN and its kvetches. I miss it not.

Having said that, the more I drive Super Sias, the more unflattering comparisons regarding the NN come to mind. For instance, on Christmas day I drove a lot in Soweto. Yes, Soweto is coming to the Uber and Taxify party in a big way, especially over weekends and public holidays.

Now, driving in Soweto reminds me ever so much of driving in Paris. It is not for the fainthearted. You have to go with the flow. Duck, dive, swerve, ignore all traffic rules, avoid hitting running kids, goats and cows and avoid hitting other vehicles all ignoring all traffic rules. You have to keep your wits about you all the time to avoid any number of kvetches.

Fortunately the flow tends to be slow due to the congestion caused by everybody and their dog ignoring all traffic rules. I drove from one trip to the next, not stopping once. As the day wore on, I suddenly realised I was getting tired. I looked at the odometer and it said 284.6km! To put this in context, the NN had me dog tired by 200km and the last 40km of those 200 always felt like slow torture. Super Sias must be doing something different.

Super Sias and I…

Is it the smooth gear action? The Nameless’ gears always felt clunky to me. Is it Sias’ nippiness and sharp eye for the gap? I know not, but driving it more than 280km under the most trying conditions before getting tired surely tells a story worth repeating?

Also, when I finally stopped after 300km, I accidentally went online on Uber and immediately got a call. I took the trip to the airport and drove straight back. I then joined my friend Heinrich for a beer and could almost immediately strike up a conversation with him. You can ask Not-My-Girlfriend Jax about how it normally takes me an hour and two beers before I find my tongue after 200km in the NN.

Is it the fact that I don’t have to worry about maintenance for the next 200 000km? I’m sure that plays a role. Worrying about the next big maintenance expense all the time can be very tiring in itself. Very tiring.

Super Sias also does the most admirable job hiding mud splatter on its exterior. The white NN wore its mud splatter like a mark of dishonour. I go to the carwash and I hardly do a kilometre before hitting a mud puddle. My next passenger sends in a complaint about ‘cleanliness’. I sigh deeply.

If there’s a criticism of Sias, it is that its indicator and wiper levers are on the wrong sides. Why can’t damn carmakers not put the damn things in the same place? How difficult can it be to put the wipers on the right of the steering column and the indicator on the left or fucking vice versa as long as it is the same in all cars?

Sias’ maiden trip took place in a thunderstorm and it was a mess of wipers being switched off while the indicator indicated right when I wanted to go left. That I didn’t kvetch the car seriously on that trip is a wonder I still marvel at, as I still do at Super Sias, my first brand new car. May it ride long and kvetch-free as I only put on the wipers instead of the indicator once a day of late.

2 Responses to “Uber Tales (31)”

  • Meldon says:

    May every mile be a safe one for you and Super Sias.

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